Saturday July 2, 12.10 am
I can’t sleep. I shiver and shake in bed. I get up. It’s only midnight and my body says do a number two…at midnight! Whatever
I get up. I turn the heating up. I wrap a blanket around me. I make a hot cup of T2 peppermint tea.
I read all the lovely messages of hope and encouragement. Others share their stories. Some I’d forgotten about. Others are new stories.
I get a message saying membership declined for a cardiac rehab page. I had not applied so I answer the questions. Declined. Figure it’s because I’ve not been cleared to resume sport.
Sport….that activity that helps me sleep.
Will jigsaws cut it? I get one out but just can’t concentrate. I did most of my jigsaws last year. It sits opened on the dining table.
Tour de France has started but I do need figure sleep out as my body needs it and so must my heart.
I have a good heart in the non physical sense. A life time of volunteering in various ways. Mainly sports related. Currently I am also on a hospital advisory committee. One of two inaugural members still there from over six years ago. I volunteer leads for cyclists each week, around 7 hours worth as lead and/or backup.
I think about my first volunteering. It was with my dad. City of Launceston Lions Club did Meals on Wheels. Helping Dad on his roster was the only thing we really did together. He worked hard six days a week with his business. Sunday was his only day off.
I’d dish out the soup. He used to let me leave a small amount at the bottom of the thermos after all homes visited. That was for me.
I liked that time together.
It was clearly directly and very clearly indicated that my genetic disposition to heart disease was very strong and likely given the direct, close blood relatives who have a significant history.
He said you can control many factors that contribute – such as lifestyle choices (alcohol, smoking, diet, exercise) by what you do, and with the assistance of medications. The one thing you cannot change is genetic disposition. Bummer.
Saturday 5.10 am
Up and awake, still cannot sleep but I did get a few patches here and there. I practised deep breathing in and out. But my heart just seems to be banging hard. I feel like a ticking time bomb.
I’ve finished reading heaps of personal messages and responses to the blog. I’m teary and thankful to those kind people.
I am redoing my will. We had some changes we’ve talked about so typing it up. Might seem negative, but I want these changes in place. In case.
What does a 60 year old cardiac patient look like with minimal sleep under stress? That’s me. Not over weight and pretty fit and healthy most would presume.
My fitness is a facade that fooled specialists for years it seems. Here is a stressed looking Sharron, pre shower. I do not think I look like what many would typify as a standard cardiac patient. My physique fooled doctors.
I went for a walk yesterday afternoon with Tony and Khaleesi dog. Shaun P told me to! A nursing friend from Launceston, he has promised to boss me around. I’m happy for that. This was reinforced by a cardiologist who rang me who,said a walk should be fine.
Through Zwift I know Paul who is a cardiologist at the Royal in Hobart. My good friend Sue M had rung me despite her covid, and arranged it. She said she’d trust him with her life.
Great to talk to him and he explained more to me, and discussed his thoughts as to where the angio should be done. Agreeing with Sue his preference is Hobart and my cardiologist does have a list there (not sure how often). Reason is, Hobart has the only cardio thoracic unit in the state so if something goes amiss, I need be there vs Launceston.
The emergency air transfer service via helicopter struggling currently with one of the retrieval specialists and other staff out with Covid.
He told me if I needed more than three stents then it would be a look and see and no more and scheduled for open heart surgery. That is only done at the Royal. He described it as really nice surgery… the surgeons perspective versus the patient I guess. Normal day at the office for them vs life changing for the patient.
So the walk. Cold day. Only 10 c but clear sky and sunny. It felt good to have fresh sea air…..the heart goes tick, tick, tick….it was high tide so no beach to walk on but Khaleesi likes to sniff around in the rocks and logs. I found some shells for the garden. I filled up an unused doggy poo bag and carry them back.
I’ve tried to answer all the private messages sent to me via email and pm. So many and quite a few with their own cardiac story to tell. Many of the messages are very moving and I’ve shed many tears reading. The support is amazing. Thx kindly to all xxx
It is clear to me that many others have their own misdiagnosed stories. Fitness is a facade for many medical professionals it seems. My cardiologist was so reluctant to request this test and I feel he signed it to more get me out of his office…but I’m glad he did despite his reluctance. I wonder if he saw the results before he finished up on Friday?
We need to take more ownership of our health! Tony and I have decided once I am through this journey and on the road to recovery, he will push for this test.
I will push the issue with our local Federal member as it is ridiculous Medicare will only rebate with exhibited chest pain. I’ve had no symptoms yet the test revealed advanced coronary artery disease.
My daughter Hannah tagged me in this post on Instagram. I’m finishing this blog post with it. It’s 7.13 am, Sunday 3 July, 2022.
10 thoughts on “Time goes by slowly”
I love the part you posted that Hannah shared. It really lifts the spirit to read such things and whilst I am devastated that you in fact are writing this blog because of health issues, I am so glad you are sharing your story. I believe that this will help you heal. Mental health and physical health are so aligned in my mind, both from a cause and cure perspective. Do you have a list of projects to keep yourself busy, whilst being still and quiet? I spend weeks putting my photo books together after a trip. I find it relaxing and exhilarating to relive my trip this way and end up with a memory book that I treasure. I cannot imagine how difficult it is for you to keep yourself off that bike when it is so engrained in you and your lifestyle. This is not the way you want to test your endurance, but you will succeed and life will go on afterwards. Sleep will come when you can quieten your head and posting your thoughts and feelings should help. Let it all out. Another beautiful, but cold morning here. Enjoy your day. I hope you can get a nap in and relax. You got this…..
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Thanks, yes I have a mental list and tomorrow is a work day. It’s tax time and I will get our returns ready best I can without the group certificate info.I’ve sorted through files today and have a pile ready for the shredder. Photos is a huge job I could get into as well…..I need to stay alive to get on the operating table and get on with rehab!
What Hannah sent you is so very true, being a breast cancer survivor and just finished full treatment, I know you being such a strong woman will get through this once the shock is over. I was so shocked with diagnosis, shook that night it bed uncontrollably, couldn’t stop until my cat purring sensed something wrong and lay next to me. I was led to believe for about a week that it was a cyst, then to be told I’m going to say this quickly and then get on with treatment, you have cancer. It does shake you to the core, so overwhelming, too much information given all at once to consume, but Sharron if I can do it honey, so can you my love. You’ve got this! Much love, hugs and kisses to you my love. Xxx
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Cancer sucks big time. You did great. I just need to get onto that operating table for whatever…and then start the next phase, new goals. Xxx
I have just sat and read your story for today and my heart(literally)goes out to you,you and I have had similar backgrounds as I too would go with my Aunt to help with meals on wheels,I always felt special in helping out the Elderly.Now here we are with our health issues! Please feel free to knock at my door whenever you want,just come and sit,cry,drink peppermint tea,talk anytime,thinking of you Sharron 💙
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Kind thanks.sorry I missed your phone call, I was in the phone to one of my kids. I’m not great company at moment but know you’re there 😊
So sorry to be having to read these blogs after being so enthralled by your last tour.
Stay strong and as your daughters message said You will be surprised what you can get through
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Kind thanks Nancy.
Dear Sharron it must feel very confronting for you to be going through. Peter, my husband, was in the same boat. He was trim, active and no indicators other than his blood pressure was a little high. Last year at 59 he had a heart attack out of the blue. After emergency surgery, 2 stents and 12 months later he is fully recovered.
So I hope you can imagine in 12 months time this phase will be over. Thinking of you.
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Great to hear he is going well. I feel like a ticking time bomb, not yet having had a heart attack but knowing I’m in the 90 th percent tile….I just want to get the next stage moving…whether that be stents or bypass…